Album Review & Rant – Florida Georgia Line’s Anything Goes

(Warning: The following review/rant contains strong language and is intended for mature audiences, which I guess eliminates fans of Florida Georgia Line. Anyway you’ve been warned the language is graphic in this post.)

You thought you could fool everybody? You sneaky bastards thought if you put one decent song out it would keep the critics quiet. That only worked for a couple of weeks. Once I heard your other new singles, Florida Georgia Line I knew you were back to the same old shit. After listening to Anything Goes my thoughts are confirmed. There’s been a lot of bad music released this year, especially here in recent weeks. But the music wasn’t bad enough to make me angry. It was just boring, repetitive and forgettable. This Florida Georgia Line album is all of these things too, but the lyrics in some of these songs are so damn bad that it made me question why I even listen to country music. But then I look at my music library and reminded myself that Florida Georgia Line isn’t country music. It’s just straight up garbage in any genre. Prepare yourself for this review. It gets bumpy.

The Best Song on the Album

Normally it says best songs above, but there’s only good song on this entire album and it’s “Dirt.” This song is true saving grace from this album being a complete waste of time. And really after hearing “Dirt” so many times on the radio it doesn’t sound as good as I originally thought. If you missed my review of that single back in July, click here. I’m not going to waste any more words on it because it’s truly the huge anomaly of this album and really Florida Georgia Line’s career. I wouldn’t be surprised if they never made a good song again.

The Worst Songs on the Album

The rest of the album is basically a pile of crap, so let’s just take it from the top. “Anything Goes” immediately kicks off with auto-tuned hick-hop. My first thought is what did I get myself into? Did you miss the immature and stupid lyrics from these assholes? Well you’re in luck. Everything about this trashy, pop country song is bad. Hubbard’s vocals are flat as usual and the auto-tune is layered on thick. The lyrics are even worse in “Sun Daze.” One of the opening lyrics to this song: “Rock a little bit of hip hop and Haggard and Jagger.” Are you kidding me? The duo goes full asshat douchebag in this song from the production to the lyrics. And then of course the infamous line that has been discussed among serious country music critics for weeks: “Sit you up on the kitchen sink and stick a pink umbrella in your drink.” I think you know what the sexual innuendo is here. I had to stop after hearing this line. This is a bonafide candidate for worst country song of the year.

The next song is called “Good Good.” I’m not joking. What a creative title! It’s just another damn party, feel good song. Shania Twain is name-dropped, which I’m sure will please traditional country fans. You will lose a few IQ points after listening to this ridiculous song. It’s as smart as the “creative” title. “Smile” is about….all who am I kidding. It’s the same old shit from Florida Georgia Line on this song. They’re drinking and trying to screw some girl. That is all they do. If actual songwriters got a hold of this song it could’ve been a sentimental song. Instead it’s just another overproduced pile of shit. The writers of this song are Chris DeStefano, Ashley Gorley and the king of shit mountain himself Dallas Davidson. Surprisingly this is the only appearance by Davidson in the album.

Other than “Dirt” every single song literally has the same theme up to this point. “Sippin’ On Fire” is about drinking Fireball, but that’s name-dropped in every Florida Georgia Line song. At this point it’s just getting boring. I guess this song is supposed to be a slower song, but to me it’s just another bad song. In the first minute of “Smoke” every single bro country trope is mentioned. I guess to let you know right off the bat that this song also sucks. I just don’t see how anyone can like these songs. They all sound the same, with just rearranged lyrics. If you can stomach the bro country tropes this song isn’t the worst. But then again the bar hasn’t exactly been set high with this duo. The song is about remembering a past girlfriend and actually could’ve been a great song if they just took away all of the horrible, cliché lyrics. “Bumpin’ The Night” is a hooking up, drinking song where I can say pretty much the same thing about it as I just did with “Smoke.”

I can’t prepare you for the next song “Angel.” Part of the chorus for this song is one of the cheesiest pickup lines of all-time. You know the one I’m talking about. This is actually verbatim: “Did it hurt when you fell from the sky?” Hahahahaha! Holy shit! Once you stop laughing from the amount of cheesiness in the chorus the duo actually attempts to be serious in this song. You can’t be taken serious though after uttering such a cliché line. The bro country tropes are light. But the instrumentation is way overproduced. Another song if re-written that could’ve been good. I’m thankful they at least provided this moment of comic relief.

“Confession” actually isn’t a party song. Color me shocked! It’s about reflecting on your past. It tries to be sentimental, but it just doesn’t feel genuine to me. Then again after hearing “Angel” I don’t think I can ever take this duo seriously ever again. It was hard enough before that song. “Like You Ain’t Even Gone” proves Tyler Hubbard should never do spoken word. He isn’t talented enough. And yet here he is doing it on this song. You should only do spoken word if you’re talented and I have an album review coming up where the artist does the art form justice. I don’t even know what this song is about and I don’t care. I just never want to hear it again.

The album mercifully comes to an end with “Every Night,” which reminds of Maroon 5. That should tell you all you need to know about this song. There is one line I would like to point out though. Hubbard sings at one point that “the neighbors probably hate me.” No Tyler that would be everyone who has any kind of respect for decency and not committing crimes against humanity with such horrendous music. It just isn’t traditional country fans, but anyone who hates horrible music.

Overall Thoughts

An Avicii ad played on Spotify as I listened to this album and it sounded just as country as Florida Georgia Line’s songs on Anything Goes. I had to point this out because of how true it is and sad the current situation is in mainstream country music. Maybe some artists are actually striving to make better music, but some clearly want to hold onto bro country with a death grip. And I can’t blame them because it has made a lot of people rich. I have to think at some point though that even the mainstream crowd will get tired of this shit. Everyday I wake up and hope that America has finally given up on Florida Georgia Line and they give them the Nickelback treatment because Florida Georgia Line is truly the Nickelback of country music. Ironically Joey Moi, who produces Nickelback’s albums, also produces Florida Georgia Line’s albums. I told myself “Dirt” was going to prevent this album from receiving a zero, but after listening to it I’ve changed my mind. When you have 11 other songs that are so horrible it tends to cover up the one bright spot on this album. Florida Georgia Line’s Anything Goes deserves to be the first ever album on Country Perspective to receive a rating of zero.

Grade: 0/10

91 thoughts on “Album Review & Rant – Florida Georgia Line’s Anything Goes

  1. Kevin Davis October 15, 2014 / 12:03 pm

    This is a bonafide candidate for worst country song of the year.

    Or, of all time, which is quite an impressive accomplishment in the light of “Burnin’ It Down.” This is the lowest point in the history of country music. The question is whether (if? or how?) it could get worse from here. We saw how this sort of crap destroyed mainstream hip hop, which is a legitimate and serious art form that only survives within the underground scene (like Cody Chesnutt in Atlanta). I shutter to think that this could happen to my beloved country music, but the god of mammon (money) is a jealous god. There is a good discussion to be had, about how the fan base of country music has changed in recent years — with their increasing narcissism, for example. This ain’t the country fan base of Merle Haggard or Dolly Parton, that’s for sure, who both wrote soul-searching songs about poverty and an indomitable faith.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Josh Schott October 15, 2014 / 12:30 pm

      Not just mainstream hip hop, but mainstream rock has been destroyed too. However I will say one thing that gives me hope for mainstream country’s survival is the splitting of the format with the NASH Icons project. If that split happens then traditional country music will survive in the mainstream because honestly I think “modern” country music such as Florida Georgia Line and Chase Rice will bomb if the split happens. Once fans are aware that there’s a traditional country radio station to listen to they’ll flock to it en masse. To me that will be the biggest story of 2015.

      As for how it could get worse, are you aware Sam Hunt is coming out with an album later this month? I think it will be even worse because he hasn’t even put out a song that sounds remotely country. I think Derek will be reviewing that one because I don’t think I can review his material for a third time this year without losing it.

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      • Kevin Davis October 15, 2014 / 12:58 pm

        Yes, I hope that the NASH idea can gain some traction across the map. I live in Charlotte, NC, where I was also raised — the ground central for NASCAR! — and you would think that we would have at least one decent country station. But we don’t. We have two identical mainstream country stations, which play everything the labels tell them to play. In their playlists, a “classic” country song is something from the late 90’s / early 00’s, like “My Next Thirty Years” (McGraw) and “Suds in the Bucket” (Evans), which are indeed great songs. But, mostly it is Chase Rice, Jason Aldean, and all the rest. I grew-up listening to Pam Tillis, Garth Brooks, and early Tim McGraw on these stations, so you can imagine my severe disappointment. When I am not in my car, I just listen to online stations, such as The Hawk in Louisville or Ultimate Twang from Asheville, NC.

        Yes, I know Sam Hunt’s “Leave the Night On.” If this were on the Top 40 KISS FM station in Charlotte (95.1), I wouldn’t have any problems. It’s not a bad song, for a pop song. But there is nothing even remotely country about it. That’s the problem. But it is interesting to observe why a song like “Leave the Night On” is on country radio. In the 90’s, this would have been a perfect song on pop radio, alongside Hootie & the Blowfish and one-hit wonders like Natalie Imbruglia (“Torn”) and Eagle-Eye Cherry (“Save Tonight”). But, with pop shifting heavily to Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj, Kesha, etc., where are 90’s-style artists to go? Country radio, apparently. And the demographic that wants 90’s-style pop are now in their 30’s and early 40’s, which is exactly the demographic in which country labels want to find converts. Someone like Sam Hunt is perfect for this. As far as I can tell, this explains a lot. The problem with country radio today is (partly at least) a consequence of the problem with pop radio.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Derek Hudgin October 15, 2014 / 2:58 pm

        Maybe Sam Hunt’s album will be terrible enough for someone to pull their head out of their ass and realize that this stuff isn’t country anymore. If more and more rap and pop get passed as country, and if NASH finds its footing, then we may see people running away from the Hunts and Rices of the world. “Americana” is home to many great modern day artists who are, without a doubt, traditional country and deserve to be on a NASH type radio station. It’s great they’ve found a new place to reside and grow, but we can’t let Florida Georgia Line officially kill country.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Cobra October 20, 2014 / 9:23 pm

        I am not looking forward to having to review Sam Hunt’s album. I was forced to see him perform live when he opened for David Nail (what made anyone think those two belonged on the same ticket, I’ll never know) and can tell you that, in addition to “Leave the Night On,” there is an absolutely awful track on the album called “Ex to See.”

        It’s hard to imagine the album being worse than “Anything Goes,” but I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out to be a tighter competition than I’m expecting.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Cobra October 19, 2014 / 10:44 pm

    I can’t even begin to describe the atrocity that this album was. I honestly couldn’t tell one song from the next. It was migraine-inducing listening to this entire album.

    Honestly, the only good thing about listening to the album was that I could give it an honest, informed, opinion and review and now I never have to hear it again.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. DRM October 20, 2014 / 12:38 am

    Everyone is entitled to their opinion about music. But the hate in this review is atrocious. Music brings people joy and if you’ve ever been to an FGL concert you would see that they bring so much joy and fun to so many people – so what is the problem. So it’s not your cup of tea, big deal…don’t listen to it. There’s no need to be nasty and mean spirited

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    • Cobra October 20, 2014 / 7:42 am

      DRM, this is a critical review of the album. The point is that Josh, from a critical standpoint, found this album to worthy of the review he gave it. He felt, along with many others, that the album is an insult to country music.

      As for your comment that “if it’s not our cup of tea, don’t listen to it”? Well, I don’t know if you know how reviews work, but to give a review to something, it actually requires, you know…experiencing what you’re reviewing….to do do so. Don’t worry too much though…now that I’ve listened to this album, I have given it a fair review and I have no intention of ever listening to it again.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Josh Schott October 20, 2014 / 11:38 am

      Hello DRM. First thanks for reading and commenting. Second I was pretty much going to say what Cobra said. This is a critical review and I approached this album like I do any other material on the site. I put the music under a microscope and analyze everything about it. The problem is FGL didn’t bother to put nearly as much time, effort or love into this album as I did into my review. Every song sounds the same. If that’s your cup of tea, no problem. You can listen to Florida Georgia Line all you want. But I won’t.

      Part of my job as a critical reviewer is to review music even I don’t like. As the slogan for this sites says, “Unfiltered opinions on all forms of country music.” If you look through my reviews I’m actually quite fair. I grew up a big fan of Brad Paisley and I was more critical of his new album than any other critical country reviewer you’ll find. At the same time I’ve given favorable reviews to artists like Tyler Farr and Jake Owen, even though I hate most of their material.

      One more thing: Just because I criticize a song or album doesn’t mean I’m being a hater. I’m just being honest. These are my true feelings on it. And if you thought this review was brutal, it’s nothing compared to this one: http://www.savingcountrymusic.com/florida-georgia-lines-anything-goes-is-the-worst-album-in-the-history-of-country-music

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  4. DRM October 21, 2014 / 12:48 am

    For the record I am TOTALLY OK with the critical review part of this review. You’re entitled to your opinion and that doesn’t bother me in the least. It’s the lines like “Go fuck yourselves Florida Georgia Line” and “No Tyler that would be everyone who has any kind of respect for decency and not committing crimes against humanity with such horrendous music” that bother me. Tyler and Brian obviously are proud of their music and millions of fans love it… there is no need to be so dramatic and mean just because you hate the album. You can hate the album and talk about why without being so insulting. And, for the record, while I do love FGL… I’ve listened to country music my entire life and love more traditional artists like george strait, dolly parton, brooks and dunn and many many others. Is the genre expanding to include less traditional, more pop music? Yes. But who cares? There is an infinite amount of space for music in the world, if it’s making people happy why so much hate?

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    • Josh Schott October 21, 2014 / 1:14 am

      I’m glad you’re okay with my critical parts. As for the two lines, I’ve thought it about it and I realize I did go a bit over the line with the first one. I shouldn’t have said this and it makes me look dumb. I will remove that line from the review. As for the second line it is overdramatic on purpose and isn’t meant to be taken serious. In other words this line is played up for a laugh and is something I often do in my reviews. As much as I hate FGL music I never wish anything bad towards artists or their fans and this will always be the case on Country Perspective.

      In regards to the second part of your comment, about my hate and venom towards pop and bro country: It’s killing traditional country music. Five years ago I didn’t complain because there was still traditional country on the radio amidst the pop country. Now you never hear traditional country music on the radio. The industry has alienated many fans such as myself and we’ve had to watch our favorite artists never get radio play. Meanwhile there are artists like FGL, Luke Bryan and Jason Aldean who never show respect towards the roots of the genre nor the pioneers who shaped it. When George Strait beat out Luke Bryan for Entertainer of the Year, Bryan’s camp and their fans trashed Strait on social media. New country fans are constantly trashing traditional country artists and their fans. You are one of the few who actually show respect toward traditional country music and I appreciate that. So you have to understand I’m just a little pissed when I see someone like Chase Rice taking Alan Jackson’s spot on the radio with music that is lower in quality. If the split between traditional country and modern country music happens like it’s rumored, leading to traditional country getting their own radio stations, I’ll probably stop listening and reviewing modern country like FGL because finally the playing field will be even and fair. Until then I will continue to bash pop country that feels it belong in the same genre as Jones, Jennings and Cash.

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  5. DRM October 21, 2014 / 10:36 am

    Thanks for removing the line – that is really cool of you. I agree with your comments about radio – similar to radio stations that play other genres, country radio is way too narrow in what it plays….same 25 songs on repeat. There is a business side to radio which I don’t fully understand, but it is unfortunate. Luckily I’ve got spotify and my trusty collection of CDs from the early 90s (my favorite era in country music) that keep it interesting. I think there is room for all of it and it’s unfortunate that any country fans feel the need to argue about what’s ‘real country’ or not. I am sure the ‘type’ of country that is currently dominating will continue to change as all things do and hopefully what we will end up with is a balanced genre with all types of fans and artists. We will have to agree to disagree about the ‘quality’ of some of the newer artists, but seems like we can at least agree that Alan Jackson is THE MAN! Country music is a huge part of my life and I appreciate your passion for it, too. Bookmarking your site.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Josh Schott October 21, 2014 / 10:57 am

      Well I’m glad we can agree that 90s country and Alan Jackson are awesome. With Garth Brooks’ return maybe we’ll get balance again on the radio too. I’ll remain hopeful. We both love the genre and want it to thrive. Glad you found the site! I look forward to future conversations with you here in the comments section.

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  6. Troy October 21, 2014 / 9:20 pm

    My roommate played this record full blast today and my eardrums were never hit with such filth in my life. FGL is not country and this is the most sloppily written overly produced record I’ve heard in years. As for the people who’ve said Alan Jackson is awesome: he damn sure is. After having my ears assaulted with dying cat synth aka FGL, I’m gonna go listen to Alan’s Bluegrass album.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. XAV January 29, 2015 / 10:04 pm

    I THOUGHT IT WAS GRATE! THE BLOOD POURING FROM MY EARS IS QUITE REFRESHING AS IT SPASHES LIGHTLY UPON MY PAINFULLY CONTORTED FACE!

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  8. Jordan March 6, 2015 / 11:13 pm

    Thank you so much for giving voice to that nagging feeling of disgust when I listened to Luke Bryant and FGL. This has helped greatly articulate my position on the matter.

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