Review – Michael Ray’s “Real Men Love Jesus” is Trash in Every Way

Michael Ray, a pretty face from Florida singing pop country, somehow got a number one song in country music with his debut single. Ray was pushed, pulled, molded and thrown up to the number one spot on the airplay chart with “Kiss You In The Morning”, an ultra-cliché, paint by the numbers bro country hookup anthem. Naturally, with a successful debut single, it makes sense to release a follow-up single to radio. And Ray picks a song that’s even more cliché and stupid: “Real Men Love Jesus.”

I don’t even know where to begin to dissect this lyrical train wreck. I guess the easy place to start is how many cliché “country boy” tropes Ray sings about. Excuse me, these are tropes about “real men” not country boys. (I’ll get to this in a bit). Writers Lance Miller, Adam Sanders, along with Brett and Brad Warren hit on just about every single piece of country cliché imaginable. Fishing, fast cars, football, cowboys, outlaws, living life too fast, dancing, pretty girls dancing, cold beer, blue-collar pride, mama, fighting when necessary, charming, and never giving up. Oh, and a reference to a classic country song. It’s like they only listened to the third verse of “You Never Even Called Me By My Name” to learn how to write a country song. Honestly, the only thing that’s missing here is American pride. Quite frankly, I’m glad we’re spared a shoehorned line about loving the troops, unlike another Adam Sanders penned song.

But here’s the kicker of it all. According to the song, if you don’t like or do any of the things mentioned, you’re not a real man. If you prefer beer and conversation on the patio with a buddy over a dance club, you don’t exist as a man. If you work a white-collar job where your hands don’t get dirty, might as well hand in your man card now. And if you don’t believe in Jesus, then you’re a fake man. This song is 100% pandering bullshit to southern white males. All the damn tropes these writers toss into this mess have all been used to describe country boys, but have simply changed the description to “real men.” That’s got to be the most close-minded view of gender since RaeLynn.  I can’t even put into words how terrible this damn song is without turning this review into an f-word infested essay, and even that might be a better read then these dumb-ass lyrics.

This song flat-out sucks. I don’t care that the instrumentation is a mid-tempo acoustic melody that actually resembles country music. Johnny Cash could sing these lyrics and it would still be a terrible song. In fact, if Cash wrote and sang a song called “Real Men Love Jesus” then it might actually be good. Cash has a better head on his shoulders than the five people who wrote and sang this song combined. After I heard “Kiss You In The Morning” I didn’t think there could be a more clichéd song in existence. And I can’t believe I’ve been proven wrong. “Real Men Love Jesus” is shit and Michael Ray should stop making music if he’s going to continue recording cliché-ridden, boring, stupid, pandering, shitty songs.

Grade: 0/10

I’m not linking this garbage. Instead, here’s a better song about being a “real” southern man.

20 thoughts on “Review – Michael Ray’s “Real Men Love Jesus” is Trash in Every Way

  1. Raymond September 23, 2015 / 11:24 am

    I’m confused. While I agree on the grade you said on one of the Hodgepodge that while half of Michael Rays debut album was cliche it was better than you expected. I think there’s a lot of potential and he has a decent amount of charisma.and a good voice. Just Michael Ray needs to get any other song writers and maybe I will like him more.

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    • Zack September 23, 2015 / 12:24 pm

      Well yeah, it might have been better than expected, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t like some 7/10 effort. 2/10 for me would be better than expected (I haven’t heard the album so I’m not going to pretend I know anything about it). From what I’ve heard from others, this and Real Men Love Jesus are the 2 worst songs on here.

      But yeah this song blows. This is a prime example of “just because it’s country doesn’t mean it’s good”.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Zack September 23, 2015 / 12:53 pm

        Also, i meant this and “Kiss You In The Morning” are the 2 worst songs from the album.

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    • Derek Hudgin September 23, 2015 / 12:37 pm

      But Michael Ray chose to release another cliched song as his next single, perhaps the worst song on the whole album. Had we reviewed the album, it would have been around 1 or 2.

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      • Raymond September 23, 2015 / 12:47 pm

        Oh wow I didn’t know it was that bad. No this song is trash. I will say he has a decent voice so hopefully his sophomore album shows more as his voice does show potential and I liked his cover of Run Away With You a song I still really enjoy. If this guy can just have bettee writers and producers he can be decent as of now I forget Michael Ray and listen to his friends Big & Rich and their oddball music that I still can’t place in a genre.

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      • Derek Hudgin September 23, 2015 / 12:58 pm

        Ray cowrote “Run Away With You” and I don’t mind his version of the song. Had Big & Rich not released it was a single, I’d have liked to see Ray do it. It’s some combination of Ray and his writers and producers, but they all relied quite a bit of cliches and overdone tropes for Ray’s debut album. It’s hard for me to take this guy seriously when he releases “Kiss You In The Morning” and this song as his singles, and has multiple album cuts that name drop Tom Petty and a song that’s just as bad as “Country Nation” in terms of referencing colleges.

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      • Raymond September 23, 2015 / 3:57 pm

        Oh gosh well maybe I should stop seeing potential in artists I guess the only compliment I can give him his voice isn’t as bas as Raelynn or Cole Swindell. Hopefully he is flash in the pan like Greg Bates was (I always wanted his debut album)

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    • Jason September 23, 2015 / 12:51 pm

      To me, Michael Ray’s entire album was cliche, save for “Run Away With You” and “Drivin’ All Night” which were both covers of songs I already liked anyway. Even on those songs, he’s just a stiff and boring vocalist. That’s his whole album to me; boring. I honestly can’t remember half of the songs, they all just blend together. I can’t speak for how he performed on whatever show he was on, I didn’t see it, but his album was beyond boring to me.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Will September 23, 2015 / 11:57 am

    What makes this song different from Craig Wayne Boyd’s ‘I’m Still Here?’ Both have equally as clichéd lyrics, but this one gets a 0/10 and Boyd’s gets an 8/10?

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    • Zack September 23, 2015 / 12:35 pm

      While I obviously can’t speak for Derek, I think it has to do with the fact that Michael Ray is suggesting that anyone who doesn’t do the things mentioned in the song isn’t a man, whereas Craig’s is more of a personal thing and doesn’t really offend anyone.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Derek Hudgin September 23, 2015 / 12:42 pm

      “I’m Still Here” is a personal anthem about a hard working singer and father who is not letting road bumps get in the way of his dream. A few cliched lines, sure. But this is an entire list song – there’s no story, no unique perspectives, nothing. The lyrics are stupid, cliche, and lazy.

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  3. Jason September 23, 2015 / 12:46 pm

    At the very least I’d give it a 1 or 2, if only for the instrumentation, which is passable. Other than that, this is just pandering, laundry list garbage.

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    • Zack September 23, 2015 / 12:56 pm

      Yeah but giving this a slight pass would just paint one as an “old fart and a jackass” who is just whining because there’s no fiddle and steel. Giving this a 0 signals, hey, we DO want different sounds, and most importantly, we just want good songs. Things like “Riser” aren’t traditional country, but it’s a nice country-rock song that comes from the heart. This is just a bullshit, pandering song that will most likely get praised by other sites for its “traditional country goodness”. Yikes….

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      • Jason September 23, 2015 / 5:39 pm

        I’m not so willing to give zeros, that to me would imply that there is no good in the song at all. It’s sure not traditional, it sure is insulting and pandering, but the instrumentation is decent enough to me. Handing out a ton of zeros gives that rating less weight for me.

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  4. southtexaspistolero September 23, 2015 / 3:33 pm

    Yeah, I noped right outta there with “Real men love football.” I like music, and books, and guns, and tinkering with computers here and there, I have less than zero interest in any kind of sportball, and I’m not ashamed of any of that.

    I would say that I might get points with these asshats for the gun thing, but they’d probably impugn my manhood for daring to shoot anything smaller than a .44 Magnum.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Amanda December 14, 2015 / 1:57 pm

    Holy biscuits. Please don’t make me rant.

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