Country Perspective’s WORST Song of the Year Is…..

Mainstream country music in 2014 was a party: a party in a small town field, on the beach, in countless fields, riverbanks, and tailgates. And when the vanilla pop-country melodies got old, more and more hip-hop influenced sounds took over. This all came to a roaring rise in popularity when Jerrod Niemann found massive success with “Drink to That All Night.” Quickly rapped, auto-tuned verses on top of a club beat took Niemann’s song to the top of Billboard’s Country Airplay chart. At the time (however short-lived), “Drink to That All Night” was probably the most un-country song to achieve such success. So how did Jeorrd Niemann follow-up his commercial mega-hit? By releasing Country Perspective’s Worst Song of 2014: “Donkey.”

Yes, “Donkey” is what Josh and I believe to be the worst song of the year. Now, the song had some tough competition from Florida Georgia Line (“Sun Daze”) and Jason Aldean (“Burnin’ It Down”), but the fact of the matter is, “Donkey” has pretty much killed Jerrod Niemann’s commercial appeal. While “Drink to That All Night” topped the Airplay charts, “Donkey” peaked at 43 on the same chart. And Niemann’s current single, “Buzz Back Girl” merely sits at 35 at the moment. Niemann was on fire with “Drink to That All Night”; a simple, backyard bon fire, and “Donkey” extinguished that fire like a fire truck hose at full force. And if one song is bad enough to do that, then it’s bad enough to be the worst song of the year.

Why, you may ask, is it so bad? Well to start, Niemann’s voice here is way too distorted to make anyone believe it came from an actual human. This distorted robot provides us with an awful spoken-word rap about wrecking his truck and being left penniless. So in order to get to the party in town, Niemann hops on his trusty steed to ride him in. Just read the lyrics to the chorus. “Gonna ride that donkey donkey, down to the honky tonky, it’s gonna get funky funky.” I can’t believe that anyone with a pulse could actually think that these lyrics were worthy to be heard, let alone even put on paper. I have to imagine that everyone from the writers to the producers, even Niemann himself, were drunk through the entire process of creating this poor excuse for music. That’s the only possible explanation that I could accept for this song.

But the second verse here is just the worst damn thing ever. Firstly, there’s a name drop of George Jones and referencing Jones’ famous booze run on a John Deere. LEAVE THE POSSUM OUT OF THIS SHIT. HE DOESN’T BELONG IN YOUR STUPID DONKEY SONG. And sure, the jockey bros make fun of Niemann, but he doesn’t care, because the girls think it’s cool. Why do they think it’s cool? Again, just read the lyrics to get the full effect of the awfulness: “But the ladies think it’s cool, I kick it with a mule. I fill their glass, they tip them back; they dig the way I ride that ass and I do, you would if you could, too. They all walk funny when they’re done, riding you know who.” In third verse, Jerrod wants to pick up a girl and romp in the hay with her… well if that’s your go-to pick up line, good luck. And they actually pulled a donkey mask out for a live performance of the song. Maybe, just maybe, if this song was left on the album as a sort of fun joke for the fans, then it could have a just enough pass to avoid this distinction. But since they released the song as a serious single, it deserves to be hated on in full force.

I’ll leave you with this: The beat of Jerrod Niemann singing “gonna ride that donkey, donkey” sounds an awful lot like this song by 12 Gauge released 20 years ago. I only know that song from the National Cheerleading Championship routine from the 2004 movie Dodgeball. I’m thankful that Dodgeball didn’t come out this year, or “The Donkey’s” could have danced to the worst country song of 2014, and I would forever be subjected to listening to this crap while watching my favorite comedy movie.

Here’s to hoping 2015’s worst country song isn’t worse than “Donkey”………

Review – Jerrod Niemann’s “Drink to That All Night” Remix featuring Pitbull

Remember a few years ago when Jerrod Niemann was a fairly under the radar artist? He was known for two minor hits, “Lover, Lover” and “One More Drinkin’ Song.” Both songs are pretty tolerable to both traditional and pop country fans. After this he released two albums, one titled Free The Music in 2012 and one titled Yellow Brick Road in 2013. Neither received much attention from the fans or media outlets. All of the sudden Niemann realized he was coming close to being completely irrelevant. Out of this desperation, I can imagine that one day he went down to Music Row headquarters in search of the king of Big Machine, Scott Borchetta. Once he found Borchetta he got down on his knees, spread his arms open and said, “Make me popular. Do whatever you want to me.” They then made the album High Noon.

The first single of that album was “Drink to That All Night,” which without the remix was already in the bottom five country songs of 2014. This song has found great success, both on the charts (peaked at #5 on the Billboard Country Digital Songs chart) and on the radio (you will hear this song once a day flipping through country stations). He then followed it up with arguably one of the worst country songs ever and easily the worst of 2014, “Donkey.” This song hasn’t found as much success thankfully. And no I will not be doing a review on this monstrosity. Some accidents speak for themselves. So now he’s going back to the well with his first single by doing a remix of it with the remix king, Pitbull. Yes, we now have a country song that has Pitbull in it (nothing against him, but he’s not country). This speaks volumes to how low the bar has been lowered in mainstream country music.

What can I say about this song? There is absolutely nothing good about it and everything about it is wrong. I can’t find one redeemable quality about it. The song shouldn’t even be categorized as country music. It should under the electronic genre. And this song wouldn’t even qualify as good under that genre. Yes, there can be good electronic songs (go listen to Lindsey Stirling’s latest album). So with nothing good about this song, let’s talk about everything wrong about it. We’ll hit the main points because it would take a while to cover everything wrong with it. First off the sound is nothing but EDM and garbage dance noises. This is accompanied by Niemann’s outrageously auto-tuned voice and Pitbull making garbled noises. Lyrically the song has your run of the mill clichés about drinking and partying all night. The phrase “drink to that all night” is repeated over and over until the point you never want to drink all night ever again. Did I mention Pitbull is rapping in the song too? I think you get the point that this is garbage.

One surprising thing that has come from this is the backlash from fans about this remix via iTunes. Apparently bro country and pop country fans don’t even like this crap. Even they have line that they feel Niemann crossed. Take a look for yourself:

Niemann Review

 

Look at all of those one star reviews and that blatant product placement of a Ford truck. This song isn’t even in the top 100 of iTunes at the moment after having a lot of hype surrounding it. So this is a little encouraging to see.

Is this the worst song of 2014? So far, yes. And it’s deserving of the lowest honor here at Country Perspective.

Grade: 0/10